i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!