The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Panties = found
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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