Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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