clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
