her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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