Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
