I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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