There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
