There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
