wrigley field is MILF paradise
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
