I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
