he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Found the puke drawer
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
