He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
