Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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