And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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