is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
