Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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