i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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