Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
