You really coming over, don't trick.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
