finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
