So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
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adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
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we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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