my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
