what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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