he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
