If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
