And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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