remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
