I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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