Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
