so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
