I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
