just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
