Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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