i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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