Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
PANTIES FOUND
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
