Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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