Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
