how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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