If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize