you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
