maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
