just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
