We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
