Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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