I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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