I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
