And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
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Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
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Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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