don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
