It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
