For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
