Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
