Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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