FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
