meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
