hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
