So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
