Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
