Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
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The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
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All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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