There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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