After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize