I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
