Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
