dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
