I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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