I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
