You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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