# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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