i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
