Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Blood and glitter go together right?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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