im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
