Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
